Dear job seekers, fresh grads, and future titans of industry -

What the #$%^ is going on!? Like really? Has the world really turned into a 24 hour comedy show? Am I getting PUNK’D? I’m starting to think Ashton Kutcher is going to jump out at me and say “Kiddddddddding - this resume is NOT real.” I’m literally embarrassed for those of you who think resumes are NOT important anymore. I see hundreds of them every week and I’m depressed to see that so little time and effort goes into marketing oneself. I mean, your resume is supposed to OPEN DOORS for you - right? It’s supposed to be a summary and extension of yourself - right? It’s supposed to be your “first impression?”

What happened to PRIDE?

What happened to DILIGENCE?

What happened to actually MARKETING YOURSELF?

What happened to TRYING to get a job?

I’ve literally seen 2 resumes in the past week of people touting their “excellent communication skills” and either the word excellent or communication were spelled wrong. Are you @#$%^ serious? I ripped them up and threw them away, without caring what else was on the resume. Shame on you.

Have we gotten that lazy? Have our egos gotten that big that it doesn’t matter?

From where I come from, you make your resume look flawless, dress the part, and come prepared to every single interview, as you never know which one holds the keys to your future.

To those of you who have excellent resumes and take pride in every word and sentence on your beautiful, flawless, work of art - kudos to you! For those of you that don’t, SHAME ON YOU. In a world where people spend so much time adding a filter to an Instagram photo or uploading a kissy picture of themselves and their boyfriend/girlfriend, or spending hours binge watching Netflix, why the hell are resumes last in line?

I cannot tell you how many hiring managers say “PASS” on a resume, not because of the job history OR where one worked OR what you did at those particular jobs, but rather for misspellings (on their own employers or job titles mind you!), poor grammar, run on sentences, incomplete thoughts, fonts and sizes throughout the document that are not cohesive, technology terms written incorrectly, the list goes on and on.

This is the easy stuff people! You’re setting yourself up for failure right away if you can’t even get to first base! You know what all of those errors tell a hiring manager or prospective employer?:

This person is lazy

This person is not detail oriented

This person has poor communication skills

If the resume is riddled with errors, then their work is probably even worse

Maybe this is true, maybe it’s not true, but can you blame their thought process?

And guess what? NO ONE CARES about your “excellent written and verbal communication skills.” You know why? EVERYONE says it. It’s white noise. It’s like having your email address on a resume - everyone has one. No one cares.

Honestly, if you DON’T have excellent written and verbal communication skills these days, you better go and get them/learn them/improve them, as they’re required for most jobs. Please don’t waste precious real estate on your resume with bullshit lines like that - make them count.

What makes YOU different?

What is YOUR value add?

What did YOU actually DO of note in your last job?

What have you accomplished in each job and what skills did you learn along the way?

THAT is what employers want to see! So, before send your resume to a recruiter or an employer or a friend to help you find a job, PLEASE remember to look it over and spend some time on it. Would YOU interview yourself based on the resume? First impressions count. Think of it this way, would you show up to an interview with a big stain on your shirt, wrinkled pants and paint in your hair? (Actually don’t answer that, because it happens and we’ll save that topic for another day).

Get after it -

MJB

Michael J. Butti hails from the Philadelphia suburbs, and is a highly regarded technology staffing expert, who has helped companies large & small solve their most complex staffing problems and has helped shape the Delaware Valley technology landscape since 1997. Michael is Co-Founder and Managing Partner of TripleScreen Search & Staffing, based in Downingtown, PA. Follow him on Instagram @mikebuttiphilly